The Dream

The dream is not as clear as it was nor is it clear as I wish it would be. I don't remember her name. And I vaguely remember the beautiful pale skin. She was younger than me. Still lived with her parents. I feel like we were on vacation at a hotel or resort. Her parents usually spent more time ignoring her than anything. I don't remember exactly how I met her. But I do remember the feeling from deep within myself when ever my eyes would absorb the radiant beauty of her. I contemplated the silent route as always. But this time I knew it had to be different. I had a few run ins with her father whom I had the displeasure of listening to before I even knew that his beautiful daughter existed in this fucked up world. He was an asshole. His egotistic attitude tied into every movement and word he stated as if he was the king of the jungle. Rich folk is what they were. But not filthy rich. The first time I met her she was alone. And our conversation was not as awkward as I had pre visualized. Perhaps it's because I was mesmerized by the way she looked at me. Her stare and grins confused me because I was not sure how to read her gestures. She was very closed, only saying a few words in our conversation but was not showing any signs of shame or annoyance. It was obvious she has men try to sweet talk her quite often. She knew how to repel by grasping a mans heart and then crushing it as the men walk away with their ego ruptured. She wrapped her finger around my soul with a single look from her green eyes. I was hoping she wouldn't break me with her lack of interest in me. At that point I guess I really didn't care what happened I was so in awe in her presence. The next few days went by as slow as I could make them. We would meet up everyday and go to random places that were secluded from the area around the building we were staying in. At one point her father caught us sitting and talking while drinking hot tea. He told her to go back to there room. That's when he pulled me to the side and commanded me to stop talking to her because she has better things to do than talk to a punk like me then insulted me about my facial piercings. I didn't say anything. I had an overwhelming sense of rage as I walked away from him standing there with his hands on his waist. I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing and thinking about. Or if she was thinking of me? More or else what was I supposed to do if I didn't see her again because of that asshole. The next day while I was doing my normal routine I saw her lounging there reading a book occasionally turning her attention to her blackberry. I was hesitant at first to approach her when she looked up and saw me standing there staring at her. She then produced a warm and welcoming grin. My hesitation dispersed and I approached her with a smile as I sensed her radiant aura surround me. We talked for a long time. This time we exchanged phone numbers. She told me to never call but I could text. Her father is always monitoring her phone calls. I was delighted. It got late fast and she was tired. We departed with a long hug. She smelled so good. Like everything that innocence and beauty stands for. I knew right then and there what I needed the rest of my life. Her. For the rest of the night as I lie in bed restlessly I couldn't think of anything but her and I together. I began to think how she thought of me. She was so mysterious and closed up I honestly couldn't decide how she felt. Maybe she couldn't either. The next day I didn't see her or hear from her at all. I felt abandoned and confused. I heard my phone ring. It was her. I can't explain the mixed emotions flowing through me as I heard my phone ringing. She was crying. I had a burst of adrenaline stating "what is going on where are you?" she whimpered... " dad is making us leave tomorrow because he doesn't think spending so much time with a 'guy like you' is good for 'a girl like me'... I'm on the second floor by the cafe". I replied " I'lll be there" and I took off in a sprint to the stairs. A man yelled slow down but I didn't care. I just knew I never wanted to hear that girl cry ever again. When I saw her she looked at me with watery eyes. Tears were running down her cheek. It killed me inside to see her like this. Why was she crying? Does she feel for me like I do for her, or is her father being the controlling dick that he is? I hesitated for a second then walked to her and wiped the tears off her cheek. Her skin was so soft and delicate like the pedals of a rose. I embraced her and told her everything will be fine. She nodded slowly with her head on my shoulder. I felt like I could melt with her in my arms. My thoughts were rushing trying to think of what to say in this moment that I wish would never end. Then I thought... If she's leaving then this is my only chance to tell her how I feel. "You are unlike anyone I have ever met before", I stated. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on and I love how you are calm and mysterious. She looked up in to my eyes and we stared at each other for a second. I thought to myself should I kiss her? She whispered " is that what you tell all the girls?" I then replied with confidence, " you are the only girl I can see that has made me melt like a candle from a single glance." I wanted to kiss her so badly so I leaned in for it. She started to do the same. That's when I saw him out of the corner of my eye right before our lips could have met. My heart dropped to my feet and he grabbed my arm, jerking me away from the only thing that mattered to me. He roared " A lowly punk like you does not deserve my daughter!!" shoving me back I stumble but caught my balance... She burst into tears again..... I filled with rage when I saw the look on her face. I looked at her father standing in front of me, much bigger than me, 6'4 and once athletic. I said "She doesn't deserve you" just loud enough for him to hear me. Clenching his fist glaring at me he came at me like a rhino. I dodged to the side and sent a swift elbow to his nose. He dropped to his knees as the blood began to run down his face. I ran over to his daughter and put my hand out. She looked at me with hesitation and looked at her father whom was starting to raise back up holding his nose. His eyes were Red with rage. She looked back at me and grabbed my hand softly. Her father was coming at us quickly. I started running pulling her along with tears dripping from her chin. He was caching up so I pull the fire alarm and we kept running. Through the halls passed the panicking people, down the stairs out the door. We stopped to catch our breath. Some people and employees were already standing outside. Her father was lost in the mess of panic. I looked down at her and she was already looking at me. We grinned and exchanged thoughts with out speaking.......and we ran........

Delusion

Delusion takes control
Its got me in a spin
I can't even begin
to explain
Trying to remain sane

I never thought of it
I never wanted it
I am just here,now
experiencing it

Seeing is believing
Faith is unreal
Only an assumption
of perception

Believe me
and you will see
the lies
the slander
just sit and listen
just take it in
realize there is no begining
there is no end

We are here now
some how
who knows
whats it matter in the end
everything you have experienced
its who you are, its what you do

So enjoy the ride
fuck the pride
your just another soul
lost in the delusion of reality

Experiencing hell
You are sick
twisted, delusional,
What is here?
What do you fear?
Just another generation
engaged in a brutal feeling
evolving deeper into nothing

We Are Apart Of Her

Im only here to experience the ride
Focusing only on the inside
Kill the ego and
destroy the blind that is hiding your mind
Know your potential
Remember you are mortal

Experiencing only what is
abandon your fear
abandon the lies
taste the tears of nature
you are apart of her
till the day you die
feel her breath sweep you away

Beleiving everything you havnt experienced
never filling your emptiness
medicate your sadness
give away control of your mind

Try to understand
just close your mouth
open your eye
mute the shit
Free your mind
You may realize in time
your a sheep
a slave
Understand what is with in
experiencing it
till you are a part of her again

Medicate your sadness
You will always be empty
Untill you realize what matters
Is only with in

Free your mind, Free your mind
Open your eye, open your eye
Shes always been a part of you
Becoming one when you die

Time

blinded by her distractions
of then and when
wont make her happy now
she wants to understand but doesn't know how

shes dreaming with uncertainty
to reach that point
only to let it fade away
just like everyday

anticipation is growing
never knowing
what is to come

there is no beginning and no end

Flowing through time like a wave
taking it all in
deep with in the mind
there is no time

shes decaying as the arms keep going around
she still hasnt found tomorrow
only forgetting the past, still ticking
but at last
she forgot the past

let it all fade away till another day
the moments fall apart and decay
that's all she ever wanted but the distractions
of then and when
wont make her happy now

Passing her by
and always coming back
never enough to experience
recalling and planning
only to find disappointment
only experiencing the moment
forget the past,forget the future
you can not control what isn't here

My Addiction

She's my drug of choice
Pulling me right back in
With that beautiful voice
Experiencing sin
over and over again.

Never enough feeling
My heart she keeps stealing
Touching me, pushing me....
Farther away
Wanting more everyday

Taking over my thoughts
Flooding in like a storm
She keeps me warm

Always gets old
when away I become cold
I have to see her today
have to find away
Need to feel whats real

I dont want this addiction
Destroying me inside
Never gaining more than pain
I need her again
I need her again